The Rambles

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Santa Claus

I may not believe in Santa Claus anymore but I do believe in everything he stands for. To many children he stands for hope and dreaming in their troubled lives. Santa is that individual they may not know but makes their dreams come true when mommy and daddy struggle to pay rent each month or when they feel like they don’t have a family. Santa is their miracle worker and they savior in many cases even if he brings a toy they won’t care about in 6 months.

I think may kids believe Santa for reasons other than him delivering presents under the tree. Sure, I loved the presents Santa brought me when I was a kid but I also loved the idea of him being a miracle, and something amazing that was happening in my life. Thinking back to all of that, I still feel the magic that every kid experiences around this time. Hoping and wishing that Santa has them on his good list, behaving extremely well when mom or dad threatens to call Santa. It’s hard not to be festive during the holiday season but I feel like many see it as easy to forget about the magical feeling kids have about Santa. 

I realized this over Thanksgiving when my step-mom scolded my dad and I about discussing a non-real Santa figure in close range of my 7-year old brother. I love having a baby brother who still believes in Santa and has all of his innocence in this broken society. It’s such a joy to watch him believe in Santa and love a man who brings him toys and lets him visit, even if he takes post in the middle of a mall. I’m so thankful to have been able to experience the christmas magic of believing in Santa Claus so I choose to believe for all of the kids in the world who need a miracle, or hope, or want to see the magic in life when everything seems dull. 

I choose to spread the Christmas cheer and hope that Santa will visit our tree this year and leave something fun underneath to keep the Christmas magic alive. When I’m in the position to do so (aka when I have a full time job) I want to make sure that children still get the chance to believe in Santa Claus and bring them a Christmas full of joy and wonder. 

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Sometimes I can’t decide what I want to do….

with my life

with my day

with any decision I need to make. 

I think I’m having flashbacks to when I’m five and change my career goal every single week. A ballerina, an astronaut (space scares me though…never knew why I wanted to do that), a fashion designer, the list goes on. But now every time I go on a tangent I end up realizing that I have four years of loans for one degree, and I like that degree.

Maybe I’m getting cold feet to graduate. Let’s hope so. Let’s also hope I find a job. 

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it’s hard putting yourself in someone else’s shoes when you feel like you don’t even fit in your own

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At the point where I don’t care about my grades anymore I just want to be done. Group projects have me pulling out my hair and it’s not cool. Not cool at all.

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Feeling grateful

There are some days when life seems to kick you down and in that same day it seems to pick you back up. Yesterday was one of those days. I spent my morning feeling sick, trying to think of ways I could get through these last few weeks without going crazy or getting sick. Then I spent my afternoon laughing with a pro wrestler (seriously, an awesome guy) while filming a PSA for an awesome organization (Habitat for Humanity!). I cherish days like this to make me realize how not bad my life really is. I would say that it peaks at awesome on occasion (Ireland…Bungee Jumping…just to name a few) but most of the time it just hovers around good. 

Everyone has the good days and the bad ones, but its the bad ones that turn into good ones that keep you moving and make you realize that what you have going is a good deal.

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The Free Fall

I’ve entered the free fall of the semester…AKA the scramble to get shit done like a chicken with my head cut off while I still have too many things to do-mode. It’s times like this that make me wish I was ten times more organized than my already slight-OCD habits and that I had an assistant.

My to-do lists pile up and all I want to do is sit around in the sun with a good book (read: anything but a textbook). School projects have consumed my life, working two jobs, and trying to plan an awards ceremony for 1,200 people are not my ideal things to be doing right now. 

It’s times like these, I feel like I’m bungee jumping again…except without the cord. Like the dreams you have when you are falling off a really high building and wake up right before you hit the ground. That is exactly how I feel right now, except that I know I won’t hit the ground or that I won’t fail insanely (or at least I hope not). 

The only thing that is keeping me going right now is how much will pile up if I stop for just one minute, but all I want to do is stop for one minute and breath fresh air. Like go for a long run, stand at the top of the mountain, take a deep breath and just unwind for one minute. Or take a shot of whiskey and keep going…

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Sitting in class makes me realize I should blog more and empty my mind. So here goes…

I like that’s it’s sunny out
I’m ready for summer vacation
I should go on a run
I need to clean out/wash my car
I’m going to pee my pants when I meet my boyfriend’s parents…it will happen I’m convinced
I don’t want to sit in class
I would like to just have a day off
I miss Ireland (see past posts and you will understand)
My feet are cold
I want to keep knitting (I’m also a grandma)
These people around me in class are super fidgety and loud
I miss not drinking coffee
Why are sweater dresses in style?
What should I get done tonight…

I could probably go on but I feel like that would be a stretch and you’d get bored. But I’m bored in this class, research is not my favorite nor should it be required. I learned all of this last summer, who knew I would learn stuff in the big kid world.